Years ago I was watching a talk show about people who had piercings and tattoos, one of the women on stage said "There's a Chinese proverb 'May you live in interesting times'."
I yelled at the telly "That's a curse! It's a curse!"
Let me give an example as I had an interesting day yesterday.
Every year at Zoe's school parents are invited to have turkey lunch with their children the Thursday before Thanksgiving. Parents can have lunch with their kids at school any day they like, but the week before the holiday a lot of parents attend. It's a good way to meet the parents of Zoe's friends and exchange contact info for playdates and sleepovers and such.
Even though Zoe's school is only half a mile from my home, I drove because I was late. This proved to be a good thing.
As I was approaching the street where the school is, getting ready to make my left hand turn and then make the immediate right turn into the parking lot, I saw a man walking in the street. No big deal, people do that all the time.
As I get closer, I see he doesn't have on a shirt. Okay, it is in the high seventies and if he's been running I can understand that.
Um. Wait. Does he have on a speedo? Is he in his underwear?
No. That man is naked. A big, naked guy is walking around in the street within sight of my daughter's school.
What the fuck?
I like to think that I'm a good hearted person who will help out a person who needs assistance, but I felt the line needed to be drawn in front of this guy. It would probably be not the best idea for me to roll down my window to ask a man who is much bigger than me and happened to have no clothes on if he needed me to call someone.
And! Excuse me! Things like this are not supposed to happen in The Hip Housewife's neighborhood! You! Naked guy! Get away from my kids!
I got out my phone while an SUV stopped to talk to the nudist, who pointed down the street. I got the 911 dispatcher right away who told me they'd gotten that call and multiple units were on the way.
I drove around the block so I could get to school from the opposite direction, not wanting to have to look at crazy naked guy again. As I did I saw at least two other people on their cell phones, looking down the block where the man was still meandering in the street.
I went inside really quickly, wanting to get close to my daughter. Her school has a drill called 'Lock-down', where the main building is locked, the classroom doors are closed and locked with the shade pulled over the window in the door, blinds are closed, lights are turned off and everyone is quiet until an all clear is given.
I had the mom-thought that if that was going to happen, I wanted to be inside with Zoe. Until this naked guy issue was taken care of, I wanted my girl-child close to me. Will was safe at his pre-school five miles away, but I needed to be sure my little girl was fine and looking forward to mashed potatoes.
I went inside to let the staff know about the slow-motion streaker and that the men in uniform were on their way to deal with him.
The only action that really needed to be taken by the school was that a staff member was posted at each entrance/exit to the school in case naked man got to the building and approached a door. With the glass in the doors, the staff member would be able to lock the door before he got anywhere near the handle.
The principal went outside to watch for the police and make sure everything was under control while we all ate our turkey with gravy and pumpkin cake.
When I left after a nice lunch with my daughter the intersection was empty, my neighborhood was back to the quiet and boring state it's supposed to be in.
I would very much like it to stay that way. Notice to all naked people! Stay out of my neighborhood!
Amanda's beauty tip of the day: During the days when you're going to over indulge, up your water intake to cut down on bloat.