Monday, October 11, 2010

The insanity of four

My son is four.  And he's crazy.  All four year olds are crazy.

Several stand up comics have spoken about this, my favorite being Louis CK.

Four year olds scream, demand things, take their clothes off, talk to people who aren't there, purposefully hurt themselves and play with their genitals in public.  Since my son can pee standing up I can add urinating in the front yard to my list.  Usually done while playing with his genitals.  

He's NUTS. And funny as hell.  

Scott is going to be fifty next year.  We joke a lot about how old he's getting.  Scott says he's going to buy a cane to shake at the neighborhood kids while yelling "Get off my lawn!"

One day, Will said he was going to be old too.  He opened out back door and screamed "Get off my lawn!" before slamming the door.  

One night, Scott and I were talking at the dinner table after the kids had been excused.  Suddenly, Will ran up to the table butt-naked with his little acoustic guitar strapped around his neck.  

He yelled "FIND ME PANTS!!!!"  and ran off again.  

His favorite word is 'poop'.  He'll get an apple and say "I got a poop apple!"  He'll call his sister a 'poop head' until she screams in frustration.  He's always telling fart jokes.

Everything turns into a gun.  He's turned a stuffed animal into a gun.  I'm killed by him several times a day.  

He asked me for ninja stars this week.  I have no idea where he even learned about ninja stars.  I know I've never discussed the weaponry of stealth martial artists with him.  

And he doesn't like the Three Stooges all that much.  But, but, he's a guy!  I thought it was imbedded in their DNA to like the Stooges.  

I'm telling you there's something wrong with him!  But I love him anyway.  

Amanda's beauty tip of the day:  If you've bought a hair conditioner that you don't like, use it as your shave cream in place of soap.  

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