Monday, May 16, 2011

Feeling not so hip

I've been feeling really insecure lately, which troubles me.  I'm contemplating what changes I need to make to feel better.  Do I need to cut back on obligations?  Possibly.  If I spread myself out too thin then I feel like I'm not doing anything to the best of my ability and therefore the outcome will be sub-par which will make people think I'm a bad person and blah blah blah.

I know getting the house not just picked up but CLEANED will make me feel much better.  I'm starting to make posters for the kids listing what chores they need to do everyday to help keep the house a nice place to live.  Things are just going to get worse when I'm in school full time this fall so I'm getting them used to the idea of doing more now.

While the new eating plan I've been doing has made me feel better, I haven't stuck to it on the straight and narrow.  I'm beating myself up for that, but that's a long term thing that's all wrapped up with my body issues.

Gaw, I'm reading back over this and thinking "I'm forty goddamn years old.  Why the hell am I still dealing with this crap?"

Then I resignedly thought "Oh, I'm going to be dealing with this shit for my whole life.  Well, maybe not my WHOLE life, I may give it up when I'm 75 and start opening cussing and wearing my slippers out of the house."

Followed by "I'm hungry".

One thing that I'm not insecure about is the fact that I've found I really enjoy beets steamed with a little salt.  I'll be having that for brunch.

Amanda's beauty tip of the day:  Always have one casual, everyday outfit that makes you feel swell.  Wear it with some kickin' stompers on a day when you need a little help.

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