Why am I feeling relieved and devastated at the same time? Because I have been shifted from the job I was promoted into back into prepping for the Korean station.
I knew this was coming, the writing was pretty much on the wall. As I've said, the chef wasn't talking to me unless he totally had to. Yesterday, there was communication but there were also several snarky comments. Maybe this is just part of the restaurant industry, or maybe it's just this guy. Either way, I was a disappointment and a frustration to him. THAT doesn't exactly feel good.
(When I told Pippi what was happening she told me she already knew the shift was going to happen and they'd wanted her to take over what I was doing. My response?
"Well that was obvious. It was like they'd moved in a girlfriend, told me she was a nanny but we don't have any kids."
She said "That's funny.")
My manager, who is the master of positive feedback, pressed the point that they were moving me somewhere I'd be much less stressed and unhappy. He keeps saying he has the philosophy that if a person is enjoying what they're doing they will be much more successful and efficient. He noticed that I'm very stressed out carrying the pantry position and I seemed comfortable in my skin over with the Korean chef.
I told The Husband when I got home who then asked me why I had such an issue with responsibility. My past record of handling sole responsibility for anything job related isn't good. I flip out and end up stepping back down.
It's something to bring up to my therapist the next time I see her. It's worth exploring, I agree with that. Then I have the thought: what'swrong with being good at support positions? I've excelled at assistance and support. I'm good at it. When I was in new housing sales, way back in the early 90's, I was a sales assistant to the women in the company that were the most difficult to work with. When I went to work down in Norco with a woman named Susan, our boss kept calling to ask me how things were going. I kept saying that things were going well, she and I were getting along, I was getting her potential client files and follow up calls in order. Later, I found out she went through assistants like crazy. I was with her for over a year, something that had never happened before.
I'm having some depression now. I got the idea to go to culinary school in 1997. It was my dream to learn to cook and then cook. I've got some evidence now that I may not be cut out for that. One of my classmates was incredibly talented at creating dishes. So very much better than me. I have student loan for my knowledge, but maybe I don't have the talent. I execute instructions. I can follow recipes, but that I could have learned on my own, the way my friend Chris is doing. Maybe this dream is just not something I'm able to make happen.
As you can see, I've lost a good deal of confidence and faith in my ability to create something out of thin air. Mystery basket? Jesus, when we watch Chopped The Husband has all kinds of ideas. Me? Not so much.
My thoughts are going into some dark places and I'm not sure how to proceed. I know nothing succeeds like success and I'm going back to where I'm successful. Nothing succeeds like success and all that.
Hopefully, while The Husband and I are in San Antonio with the kids for the Thanksgiving weekend I can focus on having a good time and looking forward to going back to working for the Korean woman who likes me.
Oh, living my emotional life is never boring........
Sometimes, you have to give life some lipstick and tell it to kiss your ass.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Saturday, November 22, 2014
a li'l update on the job situation
Here's an excerpt of a yahoo chat The Husband and I had yesterday.
The cast of characters:
Lipsticksavior-me
Bardiclug-The Husband
Chef-my head chef
Pippi-my recently hired co-worker
Macy-the woman who trained me before going to another account within the company
(anything in parentheses is a little info to give clarification)
lipsticksavior:boy I'm glad today's over.
bardiclug:Crazy day?
lipsticksavior:Crazy morning. We're all required to get there at 6:30 because the president of our company was coming to visit. As predicted, I saw him walk through the cafe.
bardiclug:He didn't even stop to eat? Or did Ms. Park (the Korean chef I used to work with) have to make him lunch?
lipsticksavior:So, I've got my plan together about what I'm going to make and put out.
lipsticksavior:I'm feeling like I've got a plan and then Pippi tells me that chef told her he wants to see me pull the leftovers cart and lay all the protiens out to select what I'm going to use.
lipsticksavior:I tell her 'Okay, I'm going to finish up the tasks I've already started and then I'll get that out. I've already gone and looked at it and I know what I'm going to use."
lipsticksavior:She says 'Well, I'm just telling you that he told me that that's what he wants you to do."
lipsticksavior:I finish up and I pull the stuff out and verify to myself what I'm going to be doing.
bardiclug:So why is he telling her and not you? That's annoying.
lipsticksavior:While I'm working she's asking me what I'm doing, I'm telling her and then when she sees me doing something she thinks I should be doing differently she goes to tell chef what I'm doing and comes back with instructions from him.
lipsticksavior:I make egg salad, turkey salad, chicken pesto wraps, beef fajita wraps, bbq sausage wraps, cobb salad wraps, a pork loin sandwich with orange ginger marmalade and slaw and get that all plated up. Then I check to see that we have enough produce for the salad part.
lipsticksavior:As I have done every day since I've taken over this station, I start to take stuff out at 9:30. (everything is set out in a big ice bin, salad bar style and I make everything custom for the customer) I come back to get all the veggies when Pippi walks up and says "Okay, your stuff isn't covered and he says it's too early to put it out." Then chef walks up and says he told me before to not set up before lunch. Get it all plated and put it out after lunch.
lipsticksavior:Okay, THAT instruction was never given. Telling me one day to pull everything, put it in the freezer to chill and bring it all back out later is not the same as saying "Going forward, let's wait until after lunch to pull out your set up."
lipsticksavior:I pull it all onto a utility cart and I'm going to cover it with plastic wrap and put it in the walk in. I'm then told "You can't have it on this cart. This is a utility cart." Okay fine.
bardiclug:It sounds to me like you need to have a discussion with Chef and ask him to speak to you directly about these things.
lipsticksavior:In the middle of all this it's announced that the president is on his way. Okay, got it. I'm trying to pull this cart into the walk in and find space for all my stuff. Pippi walks up and says "The president's on his way. Do you want to finish covering that?"
lipsticksavior:Yes, I know the president is on his way and no, I have to move this stuff off this cart. Then Dave (another co-worker) asks me if I just want to park that, no I have to move all the stuff off this cart. Then Preston (the direct manager of all the kitchen staff and cashiers) comes up and says just put that over here. I say "I have to move all this stuff off this cart, I've told 3 people now. I'm trying to find room for all this."
lipsticksavior:Now I'm crawling on the floor of the walk in looking on the bottom of the speed racks, which are all full, so I can move this stuff. I get so frustrated I started to cry.
lipsticksavior:Preston's telling me "hey it's all good. I will help you with this. get off the floor and let's get this done. "
lipsticksavior:I come out of the walk in and Pippi walks up "The president's on his way." yes, I know.
lipsticksavior:I get all cleaned up, make sure my mini rack has a cover and sticker then I take my break. Meanwhile, all the time I spent pulling the food I already put out and finding space for it I don't have my veggies plated up. When we get back from our break we have our meeting and then I need to get all the veggies into the proper containers and take everything up front and I have 10 minutes.
lipsticksavior:I was 8 minutes late getting set up and there's an issue with deli making enough chips for me to have at my station so I have to go over and take some of theirs.
lipsticksavior:then we had service, the president walked through and at some point Pippi comes over to tell me that chef wants me to get my cart as empty as possible before I leave today
lipsticksavior:I stayed late to do a deep clean yesterday. Usually I'd scrub the floor and some other stuff today but since the president was coming I did it yesterday. I cleaned inside the drains and made sure it all polished and looking good. At 2:35 Pippi comes up and wants to know if I'm on track to be out on time.
lipsticksavior: yes, I have to empty my ice bin and the cleaning that goes with that and I'm done.
bardiclug:Well, that was a day.... I'm glad it's over too!
lipsticksavior:That's the situation I'm in. I work and Pippi goes to tell chef what I'm going. Chef tells Pippi what I'm supposed to be doing. If that's going to work for him, then fine.
lipsticksavior:So I have to watch my back because he's got someone watching me all the time.
bardiclug:It could be Chef, but more likely it's Pippi running off to Chef every 5 minutes.
lipsticksavior:But, it's a frustrating situation at work.
lipsticksavior:pippi keeps saying that S4 isn't going to be her station, but they've got her supervising me and working the station with me. There's a bunch of info that she was given to tell me that I never got from Macy or anyone else.
lipsticksavior:I have the idea that chef will say he tells me to do things and I don't listen. But, again, walking by and saying "you know we have a tomato slicer" isn't the same as saying "use the slicer instead of hand cutting those"
bardiclug:Yes, extremely frustrating. If communication is the problem, the only thing you can do is be more pro-active and talk to him. Don't wait for him to talk to you. And if he says something that isn't clear, ask for clarification. That puts it back on him to be clear about what he is saying.
bardiclug:That's what I've had to do here, and it's a least BETTER than the other way.
lipsticksavior:I need to do that.
lipsticksavior:I'm taking all the feedback and implementing it. And I just wait and see what happens.
bardiclug:Well, you're home now.
And that's what I'm dealing with. Again, I'm not getting direct communication and it looks like that's how it's going to be and I'll just work with that. I'm anticipating a couple of things. One, I had told Preston that I'd continue to run the station through Thanksgiving and then we could revisit. I have a feeling it's going to be suggested that Pippi take it over. If we're looking at it like Pippi and I are applying for the position, she is the logical choice. She has a bunch more experience and knowledge. Two, everything stays the same and I continue to operate under the status quo.
Next week, we are off Thursday - Sunday, a short week.
I'll be back to riding the waves the first week of December.
Whoo hoo!
The cast of characters:
Lipsticksavior-me
Bardiclug-The Husband
Chef-my head chef
Pippi-my recently hired co-worker
Macy-the woman who trained me before going to another account within the company
(anything in parentheses is a little info to give clarification)
lipsticksavior:boy I'm glad today's over.
bardiclug:Crazy day?
lipsticksavior:Crazy morning. We're all required to get there at 6:30 because the president of our company was coming to visit. As predicted, I saw him walk through the cafe.
bardiclug:He didn't even stop to eat? Or did Ms. Park (the Korean chef I used to work with) have to make him lunch?
lipsticksavior:So, I've got my plan together about what I'm going to make and put out.
lipsticksavior:I'm feeling like I've got a plan and then Pippi tells me that chef told her he wants to see me pull the leftovers cart and lay all the protiens out to select what I'm going to use.
lipsticksavior:I tell her 'Okay, I'm going to finish up the tasks I've already started and then I'll get that out. I've already gone and looked at it and I know what I'm going to use."
lipsticksavior:She says 'Well, I'm just telling you that he told me that that's what he wants you to do."
lipsticksavior:I finish up and I pull the stuff out and verify to myself what I'm going to be doing.
bardiclug:So why is he telling her and not you? That's annoying.
lipsticksavior:While I'm working she's asking me what I'm doing, I'm telling her and then when she sees me doing something she thinks I should be doing differently she goes to tell chef what I'm doing and comes back with instructions from him.
lipsticksavior:I make egg salad, turkey salad, chicken pesto wraps, beef fajita wraps, bbq sausage wraps, cobb salad wraps, a pork loin sandwich with orange ginger marmalade and slaw and get that all plated up. Then I check to see that we have enough produce for the salad part.
lipsticksavior:As I have done every day since I've taken over this station, I start to take stuff out at 9:30. (everything is set out in a big ice bin, salad bar style and I make everything custom for the customer) I come back to get all the veggies when Pippi walks up and says "Okay, your stuff isn't covered and he says it's too early to put it out." Then chef walks up and says he told me before to not set up before lunch. Get it all plated and put it out after lunch.
lipsticksavior:Okay, THAT instruction was never given. Telling me one day to pull everything, put it in the freezer to chill and bring it all back out later is not the same as saying "Going forward, let's wait until after lunch to pull out your set up."
lipsticksavior:I pull it all onto a utility cart and I'm going to cover it with plastic wrap and put it in the walk in. I'm then told "You can't have it on this cart. This is a utility cart." Okay fine.
bardiclug:It sounds to me like you need to have a discussion with Chef and ask him to speak to you directly about these things.
lipsticksavior:In the middle of all this it's announced that the president is on his way. Okay, got it. I'm trying to pull this cart into the walk in and find space for all my stuff. Pippi walks up and says "The president's on his way. Do you want to finish covering that?"
lipsticksavior:Yes, I know the president is on his way and no, I have to move this stuff off this cart. Then Dave (another co-worker) asks me if I just want to park that, no I have to move all the stuff off this cart. Then Preston (the direct manager of all the kitchen staff and cashiers) comes up and says just put that over here. I say "I have to move all this stuff off this cart, I've told 3 people now. I'm trying to find room for all this."
lipsticksavior:Now I'm crawling on the floor of the walk in looking on the bottom of the speed racks, which are all full, so I can move this stuff. I get so frustrated I started to cry.
lipsticksavior:Preston's telling me "hey it's all good. I will help you with this. get off the floor and let's get this done. "
lipsticksavior:I come out of the walk in and Pippi walks up "The president's on his way." yes, I know.
lipsticksavior:I get all cleaned up, make sure my mini rack has a cover and sticker then I take my break. Meanwhile, all the time I spent pulling the food I already put out and finding space for it I don't have my veggies plated up. When we get back from our break we have our meeting and then I need to get all the veggies into the proper containers and take everything up front and I have 10 minutes.
lipsticksavior:I was 8 minutes late getting set up and there's an issue with deli making enough chips for me to have at my station so I have to go over and take some of theirs.
lipsticksavior:then we had service, the president walked through and at some point Pippi comes over to tell me that chef wants me to get my cart as empty as possible before I leave today
lipsticksavior:I stayed late to do a deep clean yesterday. Usually I'd scrub the floor and some other stuff today but since the president was coming I did it yesterday. I cleaned inside the drains and made sure it all polished and looking good. At 2:35 Pippi comes up and wants to know if I'm on track to be out on time.
lipsticksavior: yes, I have to empty my ice bin and the cleaning that goes with that and I'm done.
bardiclug:Well, that was a day.... I'm glad it's over too!
lipsticksavior:That's the situation I'm in. I work and Pippi goes to tell chef what I'm going. Chef tells Pippi what I'm supposed to be doing. If that's going to work for him, then fine.
lipsticksavior:So I have to watch my back because he's got someone watching me all the time.
bardiclug:It could be Chef, but more likely it's Pippi running off to Chef every 5 minutes.
lipsticksavior:But, it's a frustrating situation at work.
lipsticksavior:pippi keeps saying that S4 isn't going to be her station, but they've got her supervising me and working the station with me. There's a bunch of info that she was given to tell me that I never got from Macy or anyone else.
lipsticksavior:I have the idea that chef will say he tells me to do things and I don't listen. But, again, walking by and saying "you know we have a tomato slicer" isn't the same as saying "use the slicer instead of hand cutting those"
bardiclug:Yes, extremely frustrating. If communication is the problem, the only thing you can do is be more pro-active and talk to him. Don't wait for him to talk to you. And if he says something that isn't clear, ask for clarification. That puts it back on him to be clear about what he is saying.
bardiclug:That's what I've had to do here, and it's a least BETTER than the other way.
lipsticksavior:I need to do that.
lipsticksavior:I'm taking all the feedback and implementing it. And I just wait and see what happens.
bardiclug:Well, you're home now.
And that's what I'm dealing with. Again, I'm not getting direct communication and it looks like that's how it's going to be and I'll just work with that. I'm anticipating a couple of things. One, I had told Preston that I'd continue to run the station through Thanksgiving and then we could revisit. I have a feeling it's going to be suggested that Pippi take it over. If we're looking at it like Pippi and I are applying for the position, she is the logical choice. She has a bunch more experience and knowledge. Two, everything stays the same and I continue to operate under the status quo.
Next week, we are off Thursday - Sunday, a short week.
I'll be back to riding the waves the first week of December.
Whoo hoo!
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Two weeks later, life is not great
I'm really depressed. Work isn't improving. If anything, I'm doing worse. This week, a new line cook was hired and I found out later that she was hired to come over and help me. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the help, but my superiors were sneaky about it. I got that word from the woman who's helping me out. I also overheard a conversation between her and the head chef about what I was saying, what I was doing and how I'd responded to things he'd asked be done.
This is making me think that not only does my boss not have my back, I need to be actively watching it. Let's toss in the fact that he doesn't talk to me. Unless it's totally neccessarry, we don't speak. I'm working with the woman helping me on Friday and she asked me what the chef had told me about something.
"Oh, he doesn't talk to me." I answered.
"Well......that's odd." she said.
"Unless he has to, he doesn't speak to me. When he comes up to the table, he'll talk to you but he won't talk to me." And that's just what happened.
I'm now doubting my ability to do anything. Manage time or produce anything appetizing may not be what I can do. It's making me feel like ditching it and going back to slinging books at Barnes and Noble or going back to Starbucks where at least I know what I'm doing.
In addition, my relationship with The Husband is back on shaky ground. There are days we don't talk to each other and days we get along fine. It depends on the day and how he's feeling about me at that time.
As I said, life is not great right now.
That's all.
This is making me think that not only does my boss not have my back, I need to be actively watching it. Let's toss in the fact that he doesn't talk to me. Unless it's totally neccessarry, we don't speak. I'm working with the woman helping me on Friday and she asked me what the chef had told me about something.
"Oh, he doesn't talk to me." I answered.
"Well......that's odd." she said.
"Unless he has to, he doesn't speak to me. When he comes up to the table, he'll talk to you but he won't talk to me." And that's just what happened.
I'm now doubting my ability to do anything. Manage time or produce anything appetizing may not be what I can do. It's making me feel like ditching it and going back to slinging books at Barnes and Noble or going back to Starbucks where at least I know what I'm doing.
In addition, my relationship with The Husband is back on shaky ground. There are days we don't talk to each other and days we get along fine. It depends on the day and how he's feeling about me at that time.
As I said, life is not great right now.
That's all.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Our heroine had a few good days
Yes, more in the continuing saga of the new position. I ended up going in to talk to my boss this week, stating that I thought I'd bitten off more than I could chew. I'd come in an hour and a half early for two days in a row and I was just barely getting my service stuff out on time.
Again, Monday was a challenge because I hadn't been trained for it. Chef ended up bringing me out a bunch of stuff and then told me he'd gotten it out in 15 minutes, so there was no reason I couldn't do that too.
Tuesday I needed to steam shrimp, cook chicken, hand cut veggies and make an apple tart that involved being baked in a waffle iron. Again, I'm in an hour and a half early. I got part way through my morning and went in to tell my boss I thought I'd make a mistake.
We weren't able to talk right that second but we did get together again after service and I was cleaned up. What I stated, was that I didn't think I had enough experience to complete what was needed. I explained that the last couple of days should have been easy, but I was needing an extra 90 minutes to get everything done. Really, I just sort of vented and ended up crying about how frustrated I was.
Then my boss surprised me. He said "Whoa. You are taking this job way too seriously. We're just cooking food here." Then we had a good back and forth about the fact that the kitchen staff is really stretched due to being short-handed, how I wasn't comfortable approaching the chef with questions and requests for help and my general lack of confidence.
He gave me some suggestions and said he'd talk with chef, we'd then go from there.
Wednesday, we serve taco salads. I got all my prep done with plenty of time but then had a snafu with the deep frying of tortillas. I know what to do differently next week. Okay, check.
Thursday, is the biggest day of the week. We serve pizzas. I arrived half an hour early to make sure I got everything ready on time. I was able to get it all out and had a small cushion of time to make sure everything was out.
Friday, I serve premade sandwiches and other stuff. I used some of the stuff from earlier in the week to have premade taco salads, premade pizzas and then some wraps and sandwiches. I had to run to get it all out, but run I did and my station was totally full and looking good.
I keep telling myself through the morning "If I can get to service then I'm golden. If I can get into service then I'm golden." Because once service starts at 11 a.m. I can stay in my serving station and take a breath. Then it's clean up time and I can prep for the next day if I need.
I'm anxious to see how this next week goes. Were those good days a fluke? Or am I getting the hang of it?
Today, I am resting and trying to not think about work. Tonight, my friend Leashya and I got to see the Psychadelic Furs and have fun.
Here's to small victories.
Amanda's household hint of the day: Don't buy anything special to clean your garbage disposal. Just toss some lemon wedges into it while it's running.
Again, Monday was a challenge because I hadn't been trained for it. Chef ended up bringing me out a bunch of stuff and then told me he'd gotten it out in 15 minutes, so there was no reason I couldn't do that too.
Tuesday I needed to steam shrimp, cook chicken, hand cut veggies and make an apple tart that involved being baked in a waffle iron. Again, I'm in an hour and a half early. I got part way through my morning and went in to tell my boss I thought I'd make a mistake.
We weren't able to talk right that second but we did get together again after service and I was cleaned up. What I stated, was that I didn't think I had enough experience to complete what was needed. I explained that the last couple of days should have been easy, but I was needing an extra 90 minutes to get everything done. Really, I just sort of vented and ended up crying about how frustrated I was.
Then my boss surprised me. He said "Whoa. You are taking this job way too seriously. We're just cooking food here." Then we had a good back and forth about the fact that the kitchen staff is really stretched due to being short-handed, how I wasn't comfortable approaching the chef with questions and requests for help and my general lack of confidence.
He gave me some suggestions and said he'd talk with chef, we'd then go from there.
Wednesday, we serve taco salads. I got all my prep done with plenty of time but then had a snafu with the deep frying of tortillas. I know what to do differently next week. Okay, check.
Thursday, is the biggest day of the week. We serve pizzas. I arrived half an hour early to make sure I got everything ready on time. I was able to get it all out and had a small cushion of time to make sure everything was out.
Friday, I serve premade sandwiches and other stuff. I used some of the stuff from earlier in the week to have premade taco salads, premade pizzas and then some wraps and sandwiches. I had to run to get it all out, but run I did and my station was totally full and looking good.
I keep telling myself through the morning "If I can get to service then I'm golden. If I can get into service then I'm golden." Because once service starts at 11 a.m. I can stay in my serving station and take a breath. Then it's clean up time and I can prep for the next day if I need.
I'm anxious to see how this next week goes. Were those good days a fluke? Or am I getting the hang of it?
Today, I am resting and trying to not think about work. Tonight, my friend Leashya and I got to see the Psychadelic Furs and have fun.
Here's to small victories.
Amanda's household hint of the day: Don't buy anything special to clean your garbage disposal. Just toss some lemon wedges into it while it's running.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
What is the lesson going to be in this?
I was super excited and proud of myself when I got promoted two weeks ago. I was assured that I'd be working with our head chef until it was clear I had a handle on it.
Life, on the other hand, had other plans. The day I was supposed to start working with the chef one of the cooks didn't show and didn't call yet again. This meant he was going to be let go from the company.
This adds a big chunk of stress to my already stressed out head chef. There were VIP visits, supervising the kitchen, ordering, checking in orders, inventory and the big family event the company we are contracted with was planning. Let's toss into that mix he would now have to take over all the cooking for one of the stations.
That Monday, I had to figure it out on my own. I hadn't worked with the woman who was training me because of Columbus Day. There was information I didn't have, but I now have that.
This week was filled with massive mistakes. My friend Pam says she likes getting a new job but hates the first six weeks because she feels like a dumbass. Not only do I feel like a dumbass, I feel like I've been tossed into the deep end and told to swim when all I can do is tread water long enough to get a gulp of air.
This has left me terrified. Terrified and terrified of meeting with my chef to discuss what's coming up this week, what I'll need to be doing on my own and how much help I can anticipate so I can get my timelines together.
It's now clear I'm going to need to be putting in some extra time at work, which means overtime. That's a silver lining.
What I am now is scared. I'm no longer excited. I'm frightened. And a little paranoid.
This is going to be a huge learning experience and I need to battle through the thorn thicket to get to a place where I can get through a day unscratched.
I asked chef if we could have a quick meeting on Monday so I could get my schedule together. It's going to take every last drop of my courage to do that. Five to ten minutes and I'm not sure I wouldn't rather free fall into a big bag full air.
I've had some long talks with myself about what the worst case scenario would be. Getting let go isn't it. I could go back to Starbucks or apply to the new Vertz that's just opened up around the corner. Worst case is I'd be kept on to struggle along, doing a mediocre job and knowing I'm doing a mediocre job. My superiors will know I'm doing a mediocre job and I'd know they know.
However, I have my plan in place and if that doesn't work this week I'll try something else. If I'm not riding the job by the end of November I may need to re-think. But I need to give myself at least those six weeks.
I'm going to make sure I'm giving myself things to look forward to. My good friend Leashya and I are going to be going to a concert on Saturday. The probably bad, horror movie Ouija is coming out on Friday. Chris and I will definitely catch that one. Instead of staying home for Thanksgiving The Husband and I are taking the kids down to San Antonio for three days.
I have other things I'm going to try to lower my stress level and give myself enough time to get things done at work. Early mornings and an extra hour to ninety minutes in the afternoon will make a big difference. I'll still be home with the kids in the afternoons and have dinner with them. And I'll have my weekends.
I'm going to be taking this one day at a time. I'll be checking in.
*deep breath*
Amanda's household hint of the day: Put a flat sheet, a fitted sheet and extra pillow cases into a pillow case to make it easy to grab when it's time to change the bedding.
Life, on the other hand, had other plans. The day I was supposed to start working with the chef one of the cooks didn't show and didn't call yet again. This meant he was going to be let go from the company.
This adds a big chunk of stress to my already stressed out head chef. There were VIP visits, supervising the kitchen, ordering, checking in orders, inventory and the big family event the company we are contracted with was planning. Let's toss into that mix he would now have to take over all the cooking for one of the stations.
That Monday, I had to figure it out on my own. I hadn't worked with the woman who was training me because of Columbus Day. There was information I didn't have, but I now have that.
This week was filled with massive mistakes. My friend Pam says she likes getting a new job but hates the first six weeks because she feels like a dumbass. Not only do I feel like a dumbass, I feel like I've been tossed into the deep end and told to swim when all I can do is tread water long enough to get a gulp of air.
This has left me terrified. Terrified and terrified of meeting with my chef to discuss what's coming up this week, what I'll need to be doing on my own and how much help I can anticipate so I can get my timelines together.
It's now clear I'm going to need to be putting in some extra time at work, which means overtime. That's a silver lining.
What I am now is scared. I'm no longer excited. I'm frightened. And a little paranoid.
This is going to be a huge learning experience and I need to battle through the thorn thicket to get to a place where I can get through a day unscratched.
I asked chef if we could have a quick meeting on Monday so I could get my schedule together. It's going to take every last drop of my courage to do that. Five to ten minutes and I'm not sure I wouldn't rather free fall into a big bag full air.
I've had some long talks with myself about what the worst case scenario would be. Getting let go isn't it. I could go back to Starbucks or apply to the new Vertz that's just opened up around the corner. Worst case is I'd be kept on to struggle along, doing a mediocre job and knowing I'm doing a mediocre job. My superiors will know I'm doing a mediocre job and I'd know they know.
However, I have my plan in place and if that doesn't work this week I'll try something else. If I'm not riding the job by the end of November I may need to re-think. But I need to give myself at least those six weeks.
I'm going to make sure I'm giving myself things to look forward to. My good friend Leashya and I are going to be going to a concert on Saturday. The probably bad, horror movie Ouija is coming out on Friday. Chris and I will definitely catch that one. Instead of staying home for Thanksgiving The Husband and I are taking the kids down to San Antonio for three days.
I have other things I'm going to try to lower my stress level and give myself enough time to get things done at work. Early mornings and an extra hour to ninety minutes in the afternoon will make a big difference. I'll still be home with the kids in the afternoons and have dinner with them. And I'll have my weekends.
I'm going to be taking this one day at a time. I'll be checking in.
*deep breath*
Amanda's household hint of the day: Put a flat sheet, a fitted sheet and extra pillow cases into a pillow case to make it easy to grab when it's time to change the bedding.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
This has not been my best week in life
Oh geez.
I've taken over the new position. I had four days of training, which was fine. I then took over on my own. The two big days at my station are Wednesdays and Thursdays. Wednesdays we serve taco salads and Thursdays we serve pizzas.
I never made it to my first pizza day last week because I slipped in the dry storage room and hit my head really hard on the edge of a shelf. I ended up with a minor concussion but was back at work on Friday.
Anyway, that week was OK. I hadn't trained for a Monday because we were closed on Columbus Day. Monday rolls around and I'm supposed to be being closely supervised by our head chef. However, one of our cooks didn't show up and didn't call, not for the first time so he was going to be let go.
This leaves us shorthanded in the kitchen. This means I'm totally on my own. I found out I was supposed to be serving custom salads and sandwiches on Monday. When I was training we had put out the same offerings as the deli with more vegetables and different dressings than the salad bar. Guess what? I'm supposed to be serving only the freshly roasted stuff from the other stations. Okay, fine. I got that figured out and up and served.
Tuesday is pasta salads, I get that out but not on time. I serve stuff up, clean up and then try to start getting ready for our big taco salad day. I got some stuff done and hoped I'd be okay.
I was fine until 20 minutes before service and I flew into a full on panic.
On to today. I thought yesterday was bad? Oi. I got to work early to get all my pizza stuff done. I had been told I'd be partnered with someone today, but that only meant for serving, not for prepping.
So, there I am trying to stretch 165 pizza doughs then cook chicken, get sauces together, make sure we have enough back up and get it all set up. I got set up, but then I needed to make something involving apples for our head chef.
Since we are down a person he's having to pick up the slack and do all that cooking in addition to his regular duties. He's being pulled in 87 different directions at once and wasn't able to give me the exact instructions for what I was going to make. It involved puff pastry, apples and sugar and cinnamon. He tells me to layer it and it should be squares. I have exactly 7 minutes before I have to be out on the floor so I lay out the pastry, lay out some apple slices with sugar and cinnamon and put another sheet on top, do that again and think I'll use a pizza cutter to cut it into squares after it's cooked. Chef walks over, sighs angrily and tosses all the stuff off. Then he walks off. I now have no idea what to do.
I go around the corner to where my manager is and say "I'm ready to call it a day!"
He said "Well, you can't."
I says "I know. I'm just venting. I don't know what chef wants me to make. He just ripped it up and I don't know if Dave is up front. Should I go up front or should I go back to chef and figure out how to make this thing he wants?"
My boss tells me to take a breath and go make pizzas.
Once I'm out front and serving, I'm fine. Dave and I get 130 custom pizzas out in 2 1/2 hours. I'm doing all the clean up and when I'm in the kitchen chef sees me.
"Hey, didn't you tell me you bake?" he asks.
"Yeah, why?"
He asks if I can ice a cake with whipped topping. Sure I can do that. Then we have an exchange that this cake is for an employee upstairs who wants writing on it. Chef makes a face and makes comments that cause me to think that he's NOT going to write anything on it.
He leaves to do something while I look around for something to put the cake on. There aren't any cake boxes or platters so I put it on a small sheet pan. The cake layers are cracked in the pan and one end is squished. I know it's going to fall apart so I transfer them as carefully as I can.
I can't find chef. My boss comes by and I tell him that I can make the cake look good, quickly and explain how I'd do it. I ask him to get chef to give me an approval since I need to be done in 20 minutes. Nothing. I can't find anyone. I make a management decision and just do it.
Everyone who walks by looks at the cake and says "that looks great!"
Chef walks around the corner, makes a face and says "I have to write on it." He also wants to transfer it to something else. This means he's going to create a cake board out of a pizza box.
I say that we can scrape the top, turn it onto the surface and reice it. He's not sure about this idea.
I get the cake transferred and he looks at it. "Is this cracked?"
I tell him it was cracked in the pan and one end is crushed. (He made the thing and has moved it 17 times in the last 2 days, I thought he'd noticed)
Then this comes: "By the way, this is the president's cake."
It's a cake for the president of the company and you didn't tell me? And you want me to frost it with whipped topping?
He announces he can't use the cake, gets one out of the freezer and ices that with whipped topping. I cleaned up my station asked if he needed any help and then left when he said no.
I'm in the car driving home yelling to myself that I've probably fucked my career before it even got started.
I'm hyperventilating at a stoplight when I think: Okay. Worst case scenario? I get fired. What then? I go back to Starbucks.
I am totally dreading going in tomorrow.
Amanda's helpful hint of the day: Don't ice cakes with whipped topping if you want them to look really nice.
I've taken over the new position. I had four days of training, which was fine. I then took over on my own. The two big days at my station are Wednesdays and Thursdays. Wednesdays we serve taco salads and Thursdays we serve pizzas.
I never made it to my first pizza day last week because I slipped in the dry storage room and hit my head really hard on the edge of a shelf. I ended up with a minor concussion but was back at work on Friday.
Anyway, that week was OK. I hadn't trained for a Monday because we were closed on Columbus Day. Monday rolls around and I'm supposed to be being closely supervised by our head chef. However, one of our cooks didn't show up and didn't call, not for the first time so he was going to be let go.
This leaves us shorthanded in the kitchen. This means I'm totally on my own. I found out I was supposed to be serving custom salads and sandwiches on Monday. When I was training we had put out the same offerings as the deli with more vegetables and different dressings than the salad bar. Guess what? I'm supposed to be serving only the freshly roasted stuff from the other stations. Okay, fine. I got that figured out and up and served.
Tuesday is pasta salads, I get that out but not on time. I serve stuff up, clean up and then try to start getting ready for our big taco salad day. I got some stuff done and hoped I'd be okay.
I was fine until 20 minutes before service and I flew into a full on panic.
On to today. I thought yesterday was bad? Oi. I got to work early to get all my pizza stuff done. I had been told I'd be partnered with someone today, but that only meant for serving, not for prepping.
So, there I am trying to stretch 165 pizza doughs then cook chicken, get sauces together, make sure we have enough back up and get it all set up. I got set up, but then I needed to make something involving apples for our head chef.
Since we are down a person he's having to pick up the slack and do all that cooking in addition to his regular duties. He's being pulled in 87 different directions at once and wasn't able to give me the exact instructions for what I was going to make. It involved puff pastry, apples and sugar and cinnamon. He tells me to layer it and it should be squares. I have exactly 7 minutes before I have to be out on the floor so I lay out the pastry, lay out some apple slices with sugar and cinnamon and put another sheet on top, do that again and think I'll use a pizza cutter to cut it into squares after it's cooked. Chef walks over, sighs angrily and tosses all the stuff off. Then he walks off. I now have no idea what to do.
I go around the corner to where my manager is and say "I'm ready to call it a day!"
He said "Well, you can't."
I says "I know. I'm just venting. I don't know what chef wants me to make. He just ripped it up and I don't know if Dave is up front. Should I go up front or should I go back to chef and figure out how to make this thing he wants?"
My boss tells me to take a breath and go make pizzas.
Once I'm out front and serving, I'm fine. Dave and I get 130 custom pizzas out in 2 1/2 hours. I'm doing all the clean up and when I'm in the kitchen chef sees me.
"Hey, didn't you tell me you bake?" he asks.
"Yeah, why?"
He asks if I can ice a cake with whipped topping. Sure I can do that. Then we have an exchange that this cake is for an employee upstairs who wants writing on it. Chef makes a face and makes comments that cause me to think that he's NOT going to write anything on it.
He leaves to do something while I look around for something to put the cake on. There aren't any cake boxes or platters so I put it on a small sheet pan. The cake layers are cracked in the pan and one end is squished. I know it's going to fall apart so I transfer them as carefully as I can.
I can't find chef. My boss comes by and I tell him that I can make the cake look good, quickly and explain how I'd do it. I ask him to get chef to give me an approval since I need to be done in 20 minutes. Nothing. I can't find anyone. I make a management decision and just do it.
Everyone who walks by looks at the cake and says "that looks great!"
Chef walks around the corner, makes a face and says "I have to write on it." He also wants to transfer it to something else. This means he's going to create a cake board out of a pizza box.
I say that we can scrape the top, turn it onto the surface and reice it. He's not sure about this idea.
I get the cake transferred and he looks at it. "Is this cracked?"
I tell him it was cracked in the pan and one end is crushed. (He made the thing and has moved it 17 times in the last 2 days, I thought he'd noticed)
Then this comes: "By the way, this is the president's cake."
It's a cake for the president of the company and you didn't tell me? And you want me to frost it with whipped topping?
He announces he can't use the cake, gets one out of the freezer and ices that with whipped topping. I cleaned up my station asked if he needed any help and then left when he said no.
I'm in the car driving home yelling to myself that I've probably fucked my career before it even got started.
I'm hyperventilating at a stoplight when I think: Okay. Worst case scenario? I get fired. What then? I go back to Starbucks.
I am totally dreading going in tomorrow.
Amanda's helpful hint of the day: Don't ice cakes with whipped topping if you want them to look really nice.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Today was a good day.
I've been at the new job for almost 3 months. I've been doing well, as I've said.
Welp, I went in yesterday to find they'd hired someone else to work with the Korean cuisine team. I knew that one of my co-workers was transferring to another location and some shifting around was going to be happening, but it now looked like I was going to be going elsewhere.
I was finishing up my tasks for the day, getting ready to scrub down my prep table when the exiting co-worker asked me how early I could come in tomorrow.
"Um, 7. Why?"
"Because you're going to be training with me tomorrow and Wednesday can be a heavy day. I like to have a little extra time to get everything ready."
Oh.
I was going to be taking over her station.
It got back to our supervisors that she'd let the cat out of the bag and I talked with my manager and the executive chef. I will indeed be taking over the station that serves sandwiches, salads and some desserts. It's all cold food, except for Thursdays when we make personal pizzas. Then it's a mad house with lines around the cafe. I'll be responsible for set up, serving and breaking down. I'll do a very small amount of menu planning.
In addition to taking on more responsibility, I got a raise!
As an added positive, I got my phone fixed!
Today was a good day. I'll be going in early tomorrow to start learning what I'll be doing.
Amanda's household tip of the day: When you are going to clean your oven, use your vacuum to get the crumbs out. Soooo much easier.
Welp, I went in yesterday to find they'd hired someone else to work with the Korean cuisine team. I knew that one of my co-workers was transferring to another location and some shifting around was going to be happening, but it now looked like I was going to be going elsewhere.
I was finishing up my tasks for the day, getting ready to scrub down my prep table when the exiting co-worker asked me how early I could come in tomorrow.
"Um, 7. Why?"
"Because you're going to be training with me tomorrow and Wednesday can be a heavy day. I like to have a little extra time to get everything ready."
Oh.
I was going to be taking over her station.
It got back to our supervisors that she'd let the cat out of the bag and I talked with my manager and the executive chef. I will indeed be taking over the station that serves sandwiches, salads and some desserts. It's all cold food, except for Thursdays when we make personal pizzas. Then it's a mad house with lines around the cafe. I'll be responsible for set up, serving and breaking down. I'll do a very small amount of menu planning.
In addition to taking on more responsibility, I got a raise!
As an added positive, I got my phone fixed!
Today was a good day. I'll be going in early tomorrow to start learning what I'll be doing.
Amanda's household tip of the day: When you are going to clean your oven, use your vacuum to get the crumbs out. Soooo much easier.
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