What is the lesson going to be in this?

I was super excited and proud of myself when I got promoted two weeks ago.  I was assured that I'd be working with our head chef until it was clear I had a handle on it.

Life, on the other hand, had other plans.  The day I was supposed to start working with the chef one of the cooks didn't show and didn't call yet again.  This meant he was going to be let go from the company.

This adds a big chunk of stress to my already stressed out head chef.  There were VIP visits, supervising the kitchen, ordering, checking in orders, inventory and the big family event the company we are contracted with was planning.  Let's toss into that mix he would now have to take over all the cooking for one of the stations.

That Monday, I had to figure it out on my own.  I hadn't worked with the woman who was training me because of Columbus Day.  There was information I didn't have, but I now have that.

This week was filled with massive mistakes.  My friend Pam says she likes getting a new job but hates the first six weeks because she feels like a dumbass.   Not only do I feel like a dumbass, I feel like I've been tossed into the deep end and told to swim when all I can do is tread water long enough to get a gulp of air.

This has left me terrified.  Terrified and terrified of meeting with my chef to discuss what's coming up this week, what I'll need to be doing on my own and how much help I can anticipate so I can get my timelines together.

It's now clear I'm going to need to be putting in some extra time at work, which means overtime.  That's a silver lining.

What I am now is scared.  I'm no longer excited. I'm frightened.  And a little paranoid. 

This is going to be a huge learning experience and I need to battle through the thorn thicket to get to a place where I can get through a day unscratched.

I asked chef if we could have a quick meeting on Monday so I could get my schedule together.  It's going to take every last drop of my courage to do that.  Five to ten minutes and I'm not sure I wouldn't rather free fall into a big bag full air.

I've had some long talks with myself about what the worst case scenario would be.  Getting let go isn't it.  I could go back to Starbucks or apply to the new Vertz that's just opened up around the corner.  Worst case is I'd be kept on to struggle along, doing a mediocre job and knowing I'm doing a mediocre job. My superiors will know I'm doing a mediocre job and I'd know they know. 

However, I have my plan in place and if that doesn't work this week I'll try something else. If I'm not riding the job by the end of November I may need to re-think.  But I need to give myself at least those six weeks.

I'm going to make sure I'm giving myself things to look forward to.  My good friend Leashya and I are going to be going to a concert on Saturday.   The probably bad, horror movie Ouija is coming out on Friday.  Chris and I will definitely catch that one.  Instead of staying home for Thanksgiving The Husband and I are taking the kids down to San Antonio for three days. 

I have other things I'm going to try to lower my stress level and give myself enough time to get things done at work.  Early mornings and an extra hour to ninety minutes in the afternoon will make a big difference.  I'll still be home with the kids in the afternoons and have dinner with them.  And I'll have my weekends. 

I'm going to be taking this one day at a time.  I'll be checking in. 

*deep breath*

Amanda's household hint of the day:  Put a flat sheet, a fitted sheet and extra pillow cases into a pillow case to make it easy to grab when it's time to change the bedding.