I gotta try and change how I'm thinking about this.

Warning:  This is a motivational speech to myself that you might find saccharine, just letting you know. 

As I said earlier, I've gotten a great new job.  A set schedule with weekends off, paid holidays, more money per hour and more hours per week.  I'm going to almost double my income and that's just starting out.   I'm working with the Korean cuisine team.  The rest of the team is Korean and I'm excited to watch them cook.  Had you asked me to look at a list of available stations and asked me to choose the one that would be the biggest challenge, I'd have selected this one.  The executive is from Hawaii and has this very mellow, happy aura about him. 

When I told my mom about it she said "See?  The world doesn't always shit on your head."   

Yeah, I tend to be pessimistic when it comes to myself and my abilities.  It made me realize that I haven't been thinking "How am I going to rock this?"  I've been thinking "How am I going to fuck this up?"

Oh, wow.  Well, this is not cool.  My self-esteem issues are somewhat more serious than I thought.

I'm one of those people who succeeds with success.  Yeah, that thing.  I shudder when I say things like that.  Dale Carnegie, Tony Robbins, Vince Lombardi, Norman Vincent Peale stuff that feels insincere when you hear it but resonates later. 

The point being, I do well when I receive positive feedback.   I can take correction just fine, I don't have a problem with that.  The thing I need to learn is to give myself props.

My first day seemed to go well.  I'm going to need to work on my speed, but that's a given in any new situation.  I wasn't given anything beyond my ability.  I was able to work on auto-pilot.  The Korean chef I'm working with is very motherly.  When she came to check my work she patted my back.  I've already gotten the theme of her feedback.  If I need to do something different she'll tell me.  If I'm doing an acceptable job, she won't say anything.  If I'm doing well, she says "Good."

My big challenge is going to be keeping myself from telling myself I'm going to fail at this, that I'm going to sabotage this somehow. Or that I'm not going to live up to the expectations my supervisors have of me.

I may have to try and get over my aversion to self-motivation, positive thinking stuff and give it a try.
Man, nothing like uncovering a major emotional issue in the face of a great opportunity.


Amanda's beauty tip of the day:  Don't use a toothbrush to exfoliate your face, although some people recommend it, it's entirely too harsh.