Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Hip Housewife writes a little fan fic (don't worry it's clean)

I could tell you more about the last couple of days filled with allergies, asthma, the return of lice and the never ending battle with the laundry monster, but I would just be repeating myself so I give you something else.  

Fan fic, meaning fan fiction,  is a variation written on TV shows, books, movies, games, etc.  Many times it's erotic but I'm not doing that here.

I like the show "Huge" (  http://www.hulu.com/watch/160704/huge-hello-i-must-be-going  to watch the first episode) about a weight loss camp for teens and all the dramas/tragedies/comedies that go along with that situation.

One of the dramas involves three teens from the tennis camp on the other side of the woods. The three tennis players, young and fit and obviously wealthy, like to hang out in the same clearing in the woods as the fat kids.  They chase the fat kids out of the woods on a regular basis and the larger teens eventually take care of the problem.  The tennis kids run and tattle on them (which the fat kids never did) so no one can hang out in the woods.

I thought of this scenario to solve the problem:

Setting:  a large area in the woods.  About 20 teenagers of varying larger sizes are standing in a cluster facing three slim teenagers in tennis whites.

Guy tennis player 1:  We told you lard-asses to get out of here!

Girl tennis player:  I can't believe you are so stupid.  Does the fat clog the blood flow to your brain?

One large teen steps forward.

Fat teen 1:  You know what?  I think we can settle this.  How about we have a competition for the clearing?  Um, like a sport or something?

The tennis players look at each other with smirks.

Guy tennis player 2:  Sure, you want to pretend to do that, let's go.

Large teen:  Okay, um, you guys can pick our team but we get to pick the sport.  It has to be something we can play here.

The tennis players quickly select the largest kids.

Guy tennis player 1:  Hey, we'll even give you an extra player!  Now it's four on three!  What are we playing?  We don't care, let's send you back quick.

The entire group of teens huddles, whispering, then giggles are heard.

Large teen:  Red Rover.

The tennis teens look shocked.  The fat kids laugh.

Guy tennis player 2:  That's not a sport!

Large teen:  Who says?

Guy tennis player 1:  We are not playing that!

Large teen:  If you want to forfeit that's fine.  But we had an agreement.

Guy tennis player 2: Pick something else!

Large teen:  Okay, tug of war.

Guy tennis player 1:  No!

Large teen:  Buck buck

Girl tennis player:  What is THAT?

Large teen 2:  Connor, come here.  We'll show you.

Connor hold onto a tree while large teen 2 wraps his arms around Connor's  waist, tucking his head into his arms.

Connor:  Now, we have our other players hang on like that and you run and jump on us.  Then we get to run and jump on you.  First team to get knocked down loses.

Girl tennis player:  There is no WAY I am playing that!  Forget this!

She begins to leave, Guy tennis player 2 grabs her arm. 

Guy tennis player 1:  Come on! You have to pick real sport.

Large teen 3:  Wrestling, it's in the Olympics. 

Girl tennis player storms off into the woods.

The group of big teens begins to chant: For-Feit! For-Feit!  For-Feit!

The guy tennis players stomp off into the woods.

 The fat teens cheer.

1 comment:

sarah said...

That is wonderfully perfect Amanda.