Thursday, November 3, 2011

Oh for god's sake!

It's been contemplation time for the mistress of Casa de 'burbs.  As I've told everyone who will listen, I'm forty now.  Forty.  The big 4-0.  Forty.  If I had a font that dripped green slime I would use it for the word forty.

I've been informed by someone close to me that I'm experiencing midlife right now.  As in "midlife crisis". Are you fucking kidding me?  I'm the Hip Housewife!  I'm the Amazing Amanda and there is no one in this world better than me!  Midlife?

Well, yah, maybe.  Let's look online and see if we can find a list of some kind.  Okay, here we go.

1.  Change for the sake of change.

Hmmm, maybe.  I've experienced a lot of change in my life and I have the philosophy that change is good. Scary, but good.

2.  Impulsive behavior and impetuous decisions, especially about money and/or their career.  

Not seeing this one so much, but I do spend money on lipstick.

3.  Questioning everything in one's life and saying that they feel "trapped".  

Yeah, ya got me there.

4.  Changes in the sexual relationship.

My parents read this so I'm going to skip this one.

5.  Sudden obsession with appearance and spending inordinate amounts of time in the mirror. 

Sudden?  No, not sudden.

6.  Excessive reminiscing about their youth and previous loves. 

I wouldn't call it EXCESSIVE. And I don't think I do this out loud.  Do I?  Oh geez, if I do I'm so sorry.

7.  Increase in alcohol consumption.

No, not this one.

8.  Sleeping more, loss of appetite and general malaise.  

I thought that was a sign of being tired.

9.  Obsession with mortality. 

Mortality is something I try not to think about because I start to freak out..........

10.  Self-admission.  Saying "I think I'm having a midlife crisis".

Why the hell would I 'fess up to something like that?

I'm not supposed to have something as pedestrian as midlife for the love of all that is holy to whoever.  Midlife?  Jeziz.  

Now what do I do?  

Amanda's beauty tip of the day:  Wash your goddamn face!

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