Wednesday, August 5, 2015

My job, I didn't lose it, I still know where it is but there's some other guy there doing it - Bobcat Goldthwait

As Bobcat said, I know where my family is, there's just someone else there doing it. It's been that way since I moved out.  I relocated, and another woman has been there every time I go to see my kids.

It's reminding me of how the actor playing Darren on "Bewitched" changed with no explanation.  It's like I punched out and she punched in to take over laundry, dishes, serving dinner at the table and making home repairs.

Like it's not bad enough there's another woman involved at all.  And has been involved for a very long time.  I get to show up twice a week and be reminded that someone else took over my family after I fucked it up so badly.  Not that I made the mess all by myself, but that's another story.

I've been having a lot of mixed emotions about my situation the last several weeks.  I don't want to be jealous of my ex and everything she's given him and my children, but I am. 

The kids went to visit their paternal grandparents for two weeks.  When I arrived to pick them up after they'd returned, I saw that all the house windows had been replaced with dual pane jobbers.  Something I'd wanted for a long time, but we'd never had the funds to make that happen. 

So, here I am, working 9 to 11 hours a day, on my feet, in a kitchen which leaves me tired all the time.  I miss my kids desperately and I'm too tired to play with them when I see them during the week.  I see them 6 hours a week when they don't spend the weekend with me but they're with their dad's girlfriend all day when school is out. 

She took them shopping for birthday gifts for their dad, but they didn't even know it was my birthday until I told them the morning of. 

I've been summarily dismissed. 

I was at work today, filling rice bowls and thinking about how much Christmas is going to suck this year.  My kids are going to get some extravagant gift from her and their dad, while I'll be giving them something inexpensive or something I made.  They'll hug their new mom, tell her she's the best and shrug off the sad little stuff they got from me. 

And all of a sudden, I had the very clear understanding of why some parents choose to move away and do the long-distance parent thing.  It hurts so much to see them with someone else.  If I relocated, there wouldn't be anymore back and forthing.  They could be in one place all week long.  They wouldn't have to tell their friends "I have to go to my mom's now."  or "I can't sleep over I'm going to my mom's tonight."  They wouldn't have to listen to me tell them I can't afford to get them earbuds or another Xbox game. 

(I'm going to interject with a confession.  I almost didn't move here.  I almost stayed in California with my children.  I realized last week that I should have listened to my instincts and stayed on the west coast.   This entire venture was doomed from the start.  Making that admission to myself was incredibly difficult.)

Then my mind wandered off into thinking about  the possibility of  just leaving them to have their family and I wouldn't have to watch.  I wouldn't have to  be reminded of my massive failure.

So,  on my break, I took to Facebook and said "I'm having a particularly difficult time dealing with the divorce today. It's one of those days where I wonder if it wouldn't be easier if I removed my self from the picture. Then they could be a family but I wouldn't have to watch."

There was an outpouring of wonderful comments, messages and texts from many people in my life, for which I am very, very grateful.  It brought me back into a better head space and I was able to go along with my afternoon with my children.  They brought a couple of friends with them to my place.  We had a nice swim and a nice dinner and a generally nice time.

My son still asks to go "home", when he gets tired.  They'll come stay with me this weekend for the first time in almost a month (the trip to see their grandparents ate up two of my weekend and then the four of them went to an anime convention in San Antonio the weekend after they got back) and I know I'll have to deal with that. 

I'm still very sad, but I'm getting myself prepared to be hopeful. 


Lynn Gold said...

I sensed something was "off" as soon as you moved to Texas. I still think you belong back here in California.

Sheetal Roy said...

Call Girl in Karol Bagh
Call Girl in Gurgaon
Call Girls in Munirka
Call Girls in Vasant Vihar
Gurgaon Call Girls
Call Girls in Paharganj
Call Girls in Hauz Khas
Call Girls in Malviya Nagar

jessica gill said...

call girls in Chandigarh Our Chandigarh escorts services are simply also please excessively please you. Cheers forgiving your valuable opportunity to me at on my webs website. If you should be truly involved, you repair the day of marvelous escort’s service and can contact me. I'll never allow down you. It's my promise.

naviarora said...

Chandigarh Escort Service Welcome to Chandigarh by Night escort office to discover abounding arrangements for escort administrations. Chandigarh brings young ladies that owe you an appointing knowledge of outlandish sex delights in Chandigarh.

Chandigarh Escort Service
Chandigarh Escorts Service
Escorts in Chandigarh
Escort service in Chandigarh
Escorts Service in Chandigarh

drana said...

Escorts in Ludhiana We comprehend that when men of honor need to book an escort in Ludhiana they need to book with a protected and best escort office. We realize that you additionally need to be sure that the escort you have booked will be the escort you really require and that the photographs you have seen are real,closer to what we can give.

Priya Arora said...

Chandigarh Escort Chandigarh Escort Support regarding 24/7 escorts girls for the services in less next less or an hour or so search in Chandigarh, Mister Harry an Impartial Chandigarh escort agency for best female escorts supplying top quality call girl service in low cost.

diya said...

Escorts Service Chandigarh A number one escorts service provider in Chandigarh, Chandigarh escort services offers obtained popularity and the title of 1 of the much talked about escort service supplier.

Best Chd said...

If you are interested in Escorts Service and want to make more choice then Chandigarh Escorts for you because Busty Escorts Services Provide by trained Escorts.

Raj Gupta said...

Nice post i like it so much.
For more information about Delhi model girls click on the following links
VIP Independent Delhi Escorts
High Profile Independent Delhi Escorts

Sofia Shah said...

call grils service in chandigarh We ask anyone using exactly what is about the off-chance in people that you're below being fully a destitute and created individual trying to find call grils service in chandigarh that is greatest to satisfy your requirements that are personal within the method that is many stunning. We're one of the most excellent-located pleasure providers that are bodily. We are able to serve severe service to you that your lifetime ca n't be overlooked inside by you.

Sofia Shah said...

Chandigarh call gril service We offer a presumed escorts benefit in Chandigarh from most recent 10 years and we handle each kind of client however now decision and taste of client shot and they need to meet youthful and honest young ladies and the majority of them are want to school and working young ladies who are loaded with sex and her style of sex are distinctive to other Chandigarh escorts. New young ladies who begin to offer escorts benefit in Chandigarh she is quick in sex administration and she offer each sort of English sex style since she should see numerous motion picture and need to appreciate in that position so with no faltering you impart you feeling to Chandigarh escorts benefit

naviarora said...

Zirakpur Call girls There’s a requirement for independent escort like Privategrils for many of the males that are key like oneself who’s spending so much time continuously for culture, that businesses as well as their households but number for themselves. And that’s wherever play is come into by my part Call girl in Zirakpur

Unknown said...

There are many occasional parties where you want to have leisure but you don’t have partner. Hence, you truly feel for one to hang out with. You do feel to show people

too have; and in this way you would have offered your consent to the right kind of best escort in indore. Best indore independent escorts has always provided such type of assistance. Hundreds of people would think that they have

nothing to worry about but then they can look to people who can provide them the required assistance.Female Indore

have always wished the best.Indore has become the centre where you will get the right kind of best Escort

service in Indore

drana said...

we have just picked prominent free Panchkula call Girls who are wonderful, autonomous and will be agreeable regardless of where you go. You simply need to let us know what you need, what correct necessities you have, and you will get precisely what you need Call Girls service Panchkula

pinky khanna said...

For your kind knowledge, you have to note that before you go on date with such pretty escort, it is you who has to find out the rate of
Call girls in delhi . Once you are done then you can stay highly relaxed. In the same way, you will still be able to enjoy the best form of fun.

Sagar said...

Thanks for this post and enjoy here
Dehradun Escort Service
Dehradun Call Girls
Call Girls In Dehradun
Dehradun 24 Hours Escort Service
Dehradun Escort Service Rates
Massoorie Escort Service
Massoorie Escort Service Rates
Dehradun Call Girls Rates
Dehradun Independent Escort Service
Escort in Dehradun
Dehradun Escort
Call Girl in Massoorie
Escort Service In Dehradun

Rituverma said...

Mohali Escorts is one of the Independent Russian Escort Girl Providing Escorts Services in Mohali to their Genuine Customers. Escorts in Mohali

Monika Rai said...

Mumbai Escorts & Call Girls
Independent female Escorts in
Mumbai Women seeking Man
Escorts Service in Mumbai
Sizzling Erotic Mumbai Escorts
Mumbai female Escorts
Dashing Call girls in Mumbai
High profile Call Girls in Mumbai
Beauties Mumbai Independent Escorts
High class Escorts Mumbai

nirmala ashwin said...

This post is very good for us. It has got a lot of benefit from us.I hope that you will be writing this post again Call Girls In Dwarka

call girl in gurgaon said...

I have a great idea about the blog that I am thankful to the blog for you.
Call Girls Photo Gallery
Price Call Girls In Gurgaon
Escort Service In Gurgaon
Russian Call Girls In Gurgaon
Call Girls In Gurgaon

Kanta said...

We have high class female escorts who are whiskey, they like to give you lots of sexual entertainment and you feel very excited. When you meet them you fell very hot. They wear skimpy clothes and get ready to show you in her full body.
Mumbai hot Escorts
Mumbai Dream Escorts Girl
Mumbai Escorts
Mumbai modern call girls
Mumbai Escorts