This is difficult

I'm enrolled in a bootcamp class, as I've mentioned.  Our initial detox diet is over after two weeks, now we are continuing to eat 5-6 small meals a day made up of whole foods.  I over did it on the beets so I've had to move on to another vegetable.  Still limiting sweets to strawberries, kiwi or tart apples with no refined sugar all.  I've successfully eliminated caffeine and I'm able to consume a gallon of water a day.

The classes themselves are getting easier.  Of course, our trainer is giving us more difficult movements to match our new found strengths.  She's also very into actively increasing self-esteem as we continue on. 

This is the part that's hard for me.  I always feel corny and silly doing stuff like that.  Tell myself I love myself every day feels weird to me.  Trying to let my issues go or at least make them move to a less prominent place in my experience is a monumental exercise. 

As far as results go, I've lost 6 pounds.  I'm guessing a good chunk of that is water weight, but seeing the numbers dip is satisfying.  I haven't taken my measurements because it's only been two weeks and I've probably not lost enough to measure in inches. 

Next week I'll start trying on clothes that I know are too small to see how things are progressing on that front. 

But, as I said, it's the emotional/mental exercises that are hardest for me.  I'm keeping a gratitude journal, I'm looking in the mirror and saying I love myself every day, I'm trying to make friends with my body and explain that it's not that I hate my bod, it's that I want to make changes. 

I've been talking to myself in the car, because I like talking and I like working things out in self-conversation.  After this week, I have another month before striking out on my own.  This scares me to death.

How can I keep this up on my own?  I suck at it.  When I was doing Weight Watchers there was an online community that was a total joke.  If you showed up as a new member there were a group of 5 or 6 members that would ridicule you out of their world.  When Scott and I were working the program together, it was much easier, but I'll be doing this on my own.

First, I have to stop the self-flagellation when I slip on my eating plan.  I'm able to keep my eating very healthy for the majority of the day before having something definitely not allowed at the end of my day.  The fact that I've changed my diet in such a huge way is a massive accomplishment as it is. 

What shall I have as my vegetable of the day?  Acorn squash sounds good.

Amanda's beauty tip of the day:  If your skin is breaking out or not looking it's best, start by drinking a lot of water.  It really does help